Expression

I seem to finally be getting the whole art thing…. after feeling really really shit about it for years and years because mine was really poor compared with everyone else who expected me to be good at it because of genetics or whatever. Looking back with a bit of perspective and life experience it wasn’t necessarily that it sucked…it was just different, and anyone who saw the couple of portrait sketches that I actually did would say I didn’t suck….

Before I go much further this is probably going to turn into a bit of a stream of consciousness ramble, which I would normally apologise for but in this case I’m not going to, so read on if thou wilt…

Had a bit of a discombobulated day yesterday where there wasn’t really anything wrong, but something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on whether it was a problem, something needing to change or something coming. Still haven’t worked out what it was, but not too worried… I went and did a we different things, and still had a pretty damned good day in spite of it. Picked up my guitar and noodled on it for the first time in months and didn’t feel like I was just having on to something I needed to let go of, and then in the afternoon went for a decent walk along the coast with a friend and some long talking was had too. Explored caves and coves and went to places I’d not gotten around to yet, like the cave bar in Marsden. Again in hindsight it’s nice to see sometimes just how far I’ve come and what my perspective on some things actually is now…. pleasantly surprised in some ways…

Got to one part where there was a particularly stunning view of the rock and the lighthouse, and just *knew* that I’d end up drawing something based on that… which I thusly did, this morning. The whole art thing is very weird and new to me, cause I really don’t think like an artist… wondering if maybe the photography has played a part in this, as I do tend to find myself composing shots as I go and see new places more and more…. might also be that I’ve realised that my lie is my own to make of it what I will and I’ve gotten down off my high horse about some things finally…. either way, its interesting. Certainly have no intention of trying to persue it forcibly… but am interested to see where it might go. Certainly wouldn’t expect masses from it….

I guess the bottom line is I seem to have hit a creative phase again… which is the first real spurt I’ve had in over five years…..so I’m finding it a little weird that its no longer a no go thing…. now I just have to try and not get frustrated over the fact that the songwriters block is still fully in force…. which will be a challenge… as will maintaining the balance. I’ve worked a lot of stuff out over the last however long and it would be a shame to disregard it being caught up in the moment….

Headsplurge over and done with…. xD

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