Ambivalence and Wanderlust

Today has been bizarrely ambivalent to say the least.

I woke up to find that my house guest had taken it upon himself to tidy up my kitchen. Aside from the fact they’ve known me easily long enough to know that I would frown upon that, I’ve had to also spend a good two hours working out where the hell he’d put things and put them back to their rightful places, which, to be fair, I had assumed wasn’t actually that wacky to begin with. When I asked why he’d decided to do this, I just got a non-sensical answer.

I did, however surprise myself  in my diplomacy when I effectively told him to get out from under my feet and quit acting like a puppy dog. I can’t exactly remember what I said, aside from ‘ that it felt like he was waiting around for me to make a decision as to what he wanted to do, which isn’t how this works…’ but I managed to say it without offending him or causing him to sulk, which was nice, and left me (aside from having to sort out the hash of things in the kitchen) able to be at my own devices today.  This mostly involved having a bit of time and space to process the last couple of weeks and generally chill to shake the last of my cold off. So inevitibly it became a pyjama day. Finished season 5 of the Big Bang Theory, did a bit of tidying and mostly just tried to relax some. Tomorrow am going to have a long day, which I would be looking forwards to, if I had better company, as I know people who would appreciate it much more, and frankly at the moment, I’d prefer to travel with.  Basically taking the bus from Newcastle up to Berwick-Upon-Tweed, stopping at Alnwick on the way, then coming back stopping off at Bamburgh on the way back. Going to be long and out, and to be honest, will probably be all I manage this weekend, but it’ll be a nice outing.

So, onto the wanderlust.

Starting to get the urge to venture forwards into the world again. Move forwards from where I was, so, with that in mind, my twitter is now fully back up and running, and I’m back on social networking, as well as making plans.

I’m starting my 101 things in 1001 days project  again.  Given this holiday has given me a few ideas/pacts/agreements to complete stuff in the future, it makes sense to add them to the list, which is https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0ArNqETuDBYSNdEJyUTRNeE84NUI4REVvcjl6dW13T1E  Have got 79 so far, so in need of another 22. All suggestions welcome, and I’m going to assume that this may well become the place I update my progress, unless I do a facebook group… not sure which would be better as yet. This will let me post all media will have to check failbooks…

Am also going to restart two other projects as well… Project freebird is one of them. The other is unnamed, but will also be a useful thing to get on with. Starting to wonder about moving away from the UK as well. It’s not something I’ve particularly thought about, but realistically I am starting to see it being a bit more likely. there’s a lot about the UK that frustrates me, and having heard a few different viewpoints as to life elsewhere in the world of late, I’m beginning to wonder if I might be wasting my time by not going. Of course the first thing I then jump to are the practicalities… I can’t just stop, drop, and walk, at least not without wrecking my credit record, but it is something I could certainly consider in a bit more detail. Project Freebird will help with that some. Basically a way for me to declutter (on the 101 things… list), hopefully make a bit of money by getting rid of things I don’t need/want, as well as get on with some of the creative bits and bobs.

All three projects are basically going to demand I get a lot more disciplined with my time, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing as long as I don’t take it to the extreme, and make sure I get some fun/me time in there too.. it’s also going to require planning around my holidays to get a lot of my trips in that I want to take, as well as being disciplined with my finances – although if I can get a regular thing going with the creative stuff, or even the singing then that will help some.

So yeah… a lot of thinking being done today, also coupled with the sudden realisation that Feelings may have snuck up on me some.  Might also explain a bit of the animosity I’m feeling towards my current guest, given the history of him having feelings for me. This was prompted by getting a text at about 5pm from the guy that I met up with for coffee for 45mins between work and heading to Sheffield with a couple of months ago, who promptly declared on the basis of that that he was ‘in love’ with me and wanted very much to be my boyfriend, and within 2 hours was giving a fantastic example of jealousy because I hadn’t replied to texts within ten mins. The messages that led to me telling him ‘Sorry but No’ make interesting reading.  But anyway, 6 weeks after establishing with him that he couldn’t deal with being friends,and it was best that we didn’t talk,  I received a text saying “Hey, I miss talking with you xx.” Made me consider whether I really wanted to go there – and suddenly realised I really didn’t as I was actually thinking about someone else. Which came as a shock…  So yeah… that’s not happened in a fair while, and I’m not sure what to do with it…

So yeah… was left to my own devices until gone 7.30 which was lovely, and have now retired to the bedroom…

Sorry if this one has been long and rambly…. ! Any thoughts on any of it, or suggestions for things to do would be well appreciated…  🙂

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