last night…

Was one of the worst nights in a long time.

I don’t know what had happened earlier in the dream as I don’t remember, but I do remember the end…. lots of words, being forcibly held down whilst something was being shoved down my throat. Being unable to breathe and knowing that even if I could cry out, no help would be forthcoming. When I woke up, I wasn’t fully out. I could still feel the pressure restraining me, still couldn’t breathe or make any real sound, and was starting to panic. I managed somehow to somehow throw myself onto my side and snap out of it a little, but could still feel the force in my throat and instinctively threw up. There wasn’t anything to throw up, of course as there wasn’t anything actually there…. and then came the panic attack. more from being sick than anything I think… needless to say I didn’t get much sleep….

That’s thrown me off kilter…to the point I’ve taken a half day at work- I just don’t feel up to that now… but I don’t really want to be on my own either… so the compromise is go hole up in a coffee shop….i don’t know if this meant anything or not… but I don’t want that to happen again.  

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