Disconnected.

Pretty sure my brain has just switched off today and is refusing to communicate with the outside world. I am numb.  I’m sat in work, and am failing to recognise words being said, conversation around me just sounds like inane babble and I’m not really sure what I’m doing here (and I’m not talking about my job) I could be a fly on the wall – no-one would notice. Pretty sure that I could probably walk out and go home and no-one would really notice that either. I’m on autopilot, and I’m really hoping this is just a bad day. I existed like this for a while on more than one occasion and it’s not good.  And I’m frustrated. Frustrated over the situation I find myself in. Over the way I’m (not) dealing with things. That I’m feeling shit about things where I probably shouldn’t be. The list goes on, but the words aren’t there. I choke on nothing and feel the torrent rising.  Probably best to stop writing this stuff down before I end up in the loony bin, or worse…

So, I’m rapidly lining up things to occupy my weekend. If I don’t keep busy then I will just go to bed and remain there. Trapped inside myself.. where there’s nothing.

So, tomorrow, if I have enough money, I’m going to go to the cinema to see the second installment of The Hobbit, before it drops out of the cinema. There’s a showing at 12.45 for £6.00 at cineworld which will hopefully be not too full. Then going to go and work on websites for the evening with my sister and get them up and running. Sunday, I’m going to go walking at Dam Flask – there’s an organised walk taking place, heading from Bradfield back to Hillsborough via the Dam. I’m not sure how well I remember the area, hence doing this one guided. Will probably be good to get out into the open as well, as I haven’t done that in a while. I’ve already done a lot of the housework I had planned for the weekend, as its been better to be busy this week. I know I can’t keep busy forever though, and I am a little worried that I will just hole up and hide away once I stop.

I’ve got some social activities in the diary over the next few weeks, so I won’t just disappear, so that’s probably a good thing, even though I’m not so sure I can bring myself to believe it right now…

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