The last couple of weeks has seen a bit of a shift when it comes to sleep and dreams… while the nightmares and night terrors are still there, as is the insomnia, the other dreams, for it’s not all bad, have taken on a bit more meaning, and a bit more of a role. After a few pretty bad nights, I found myself at my usual place at the weekend, with my best friends, and after a good evening of talking, turned in pretty late… and ended up having a night of tossing and turning, and then in the morning a dream that completely blindsided me. I had drempt of a time period I know very little about, and yet was so so real. I ended up being manacled into a torture position, and having iron nails driven through me. That’s the very basic jist of it, anyway. As you can imagine I awoke feeling pretty freaked out by that.. but talking it through, and with a bit of listening and explaining, we established that it wasn’t ‘just’ a dream, but a shamanic dream- where what had happened, whilst it wasn’t pleasant by any means, had a lesson, something to take away.. the what and wherefores are for another time there, but needless to say, I am taking notice, and doing my best with what I’ve been given.
Friday night was another bad night. I’d gone to bed early as it was, having not had a great evening, and had ended up having a very restless night. So I got up at a very early time, got a couple of bits done, and by 8am I’d done everything, so put on some music, and settled down in my chair to try and relax a bit…
Somewhere during the duration of the CD, I’d managed to get to that place that isn’t awake, and not asleep… the same place you go sometimes when meditating, or sometimes when working with some practices. I hadn’t really noticed or realised, and went to lean back into the chair, and got a massive shock as I felt my shoulders lowering themselves not onto the cushioned back of the chair, but instead into a mass of coiling snakes. They weren’t bothered by this, and just kept moving – I could feel the undulating motion of them all against me- and there was no noise.. Needless to say I shot out of the chair pretty quickly and was really rather freaked out.
Discussing it later though, it turned out that actually, this maynot be such a bad thing at all, with another positive to take away.
Today saw the latest of the drumming workshops, and during the times spent journeying,having built and gone though my door, I reached another door, which was not at all what I had expected. I did not go through as I was unsure and a bit anxious about it, and later this evening, I realised why. the other side of the door is everything I’ve hidden, and the door appearing means that it’s getting to a time to go and examine just what’s in there, and I’m not going to lie; the idea of that terrifies me to an extent, as I know some of the things waiting there. Others, I just hope are not too damaged or warped to be able to deal with, but others still I just hope weren’t destroyed utterly. But, there’s one vital thing to remember, and that is that I don’t have to do it alone, which is good, as I’m honestly not so sure I can. Not this….