Autumn’s approach

The nights are drawing in, and it feels right to have a Custard Cream to dunk into a cup of tea – a sure sign that Autumn is getting closer. I’ve missed the whole of the Summer pretty much, which is weird, as whilst it’s my least favourite season, it still needs to be there so I can appreciate the others all the more.
As it stands, I’ve got a niggly cold, which isn’t causing me hell as much as a bunch of irritation, as sneezing hurts because I’m not moving around as much so tends to throw my joints out (and occasionally, back in).
Add to that an ear infection, which isn’t bothering me in the slightest, but I know is there thanks to it trying to spread to my jaw (which happens 9/10 times I get an issue). Hopefully I’ve caught it early enough, and am plying it with ibuprofen in order to prevent a golf ball appearing on my jaw, and tomorrow I’ll add honey and lemon to it. And hopefully lots of garlic too.

I’m a little disappointed, as I’ve just weaned myself off all the painkillers – tramadol especially, as that stuff can be evil. I’ve been put on it for a length of time twice. The first time, in 2012 was fine; I’d been warned not to come off it cold turkey – especially as I was on the max dose, so I halved it, then halved it again, and came off over a couple of weeks without any real problems.
This time, I had to be more careful. A couple of weeks ago, I missed ONE dose, as I’d slept in, meaning my last dose was due around 3am, and I’d fallen asleep around 12am and had slept right through, which was long enough for it to come entirely out of my system, and I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck! I thought I’d got the flu, as I’d got jelly shaky legs, as well as that prickly crawling sensation you get when the blankets move. It wasn’t until a few hours later that I’d worked out what had happened, and I knew I needed to start reducing sooner rather than later, as the longer I took them, the worse it would be. So I did it over a few days, given I’d already flushed it from my system in that instance. I’ve had a week without that and the paracetamol, and the pain isn’t completely gone, but it’s tolerable without, and if I need to I can always take some paracetamol.

The only thing I’m still taking after discharge is Asprin, which I’ll need to do for a year minimum, if not for life. As much as I don’t like taking pills of any kind (the pill being the exception, as mine is amazing, and stops those issues entirely) that one I can deal with – it’s not for pain, it’s to keep the blood supply in check, I think as much for the bypass as for the leg that’s now missing it’s Saphenous Vein to provide it.
No blood clots or complications for me thankyou very much!!

At the moment, I’m on wait and see for the torn cruciates, due to the complications making operating to repair a Very Bad Idea(tm), which means another two months of the knee brace (which is a cast below and above the knee with a hinge on both sides of the knee, which essentially controls the amount of bend I can have, and stops me from twisting it) but on the plus side, the consultant is happy to increase the amount of bend (previously limited to 90degrees) and is also happy for me to begin to bear weight on it as well, so it’s at least in the right direction.
So come Tuesday, I’ll be getting a new cast whatever, as they need to amend the hinges. They also need to remove it so I can have an ultrasound scan of my knee and lower leg to check the bypass is all OK, so that’s also a good thing, as apparently I’m losing weight, which has made the cast loose. This one is currently being held together by velcro as they’ve cut two inches out last time, and it’s now loose again… >.>

The advantage of this happening, means that I should hopefully be able to get in and out of a car now, which we’ll hopefully test next week as well. And if I manage to secure a chair somehow, then I might even manage to make it out to the comic event at Doncaster on Sunday. Not that I’ll be able to buy anything, as I don’t have any money coming in other than my statutory sick which (given my Housing Benefit claim may well be denied) won’t cover even the essentials.

I am beginning to feel horribly cooped up and hemmed in now.
I’ve never been one to just sit around, whether inside or outside, and I’m really starting to feel the strain, both mentally and physically. I may joke about it, but my bottom is REALLY starting to hurt now, because I can’t walk, I’m constantly laying or sitting on it. Aside from the respite I get when I lay on my side, which I can only do for a short time because the weight of the cast on my good leg starts to get too much, and also get pain in my hip.

I’m also starting to feel rather bored. It’s hard not to get frustrated at the situation, especially when there’s lots going on around and you’re unable to do anything to help, but there’s also only so much of something you can do. Going to try and get stuck into some crafts, and also got a couple of Online Learning things to do, but they’ll only take up a couple of hours a day, and week, respectively. I’ve also applied for some work from home stuff – writing and proofing mostly, but it could be weeks until I hear from them….

Usually at this time of year, I’d have been out and gathered fruits that were ripening and be baking crumbles, cobblers, and strudels, as well as breads and all kinds of autumnal goodness. But this year, it looks like I’ll be settling for a Custard Cream to dunk in my tea…

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Time.

It’s definitely true that your perception of time changes as your life pattern does.
For me, having so much time, has meant bizarrely, that I find myself procrastinating MORE than I did when I was insanely busy with work etc… because I KNOW I have time to do it, so it’s not essential to do it now… and then of course, I find myself extremely bored and wondering why there’s nothing to do.
Great how the brain works isn’t it!!

I remember thinking a few months ago, that when I had a bit of time, I’d get some writing done, whilst blitzing through the washing, and some of the projects I have planned would be brought closer to starting, if not started. Well, I can honestly say I’ve had some time now, and NONE of it has been done… I’m not annoyed at myself though or particularly frustrated about it, because my thinking was all about having made the CHOICE to make time to do these things, to see friends etc, and that choice was taken away when I ended up in the hospital. I’m not surprised I haven’t felt like writing particularly yet, but that’s always been one for fits and starts. Should I get the inclination, I’ll probably write like a mad thing for a couple of days straight only stopping to eat and sleep before not bothering again… so that’s fair.

However, I’m now beginning to feel I could probably use my time a bit more effectively. I’m still so limited in what I can do physically, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything I can do. So I’m thinking I might make myself a timetable of sorts, even if it’s pretty vague, and only listing a couple of things a day, it will help me. It will give me something I know I’m doing the next day, and something to even look forwards to. And if I know in advance what I plan to do, then I won’t feel as bad about asking for things to be passed to me/gotten instead of it being out of the blue/random requests.

So I’m going to look through my project lists, and see what I have that I could start, get further with the planning with by myself, what will need help with, or things picking up from my house or buying etc, and what stuff is happening with the things I was interested in studying as well. Even if it takes up only a couple of hours each day, it will break the day up some. There’s only so much reading, playing on the internet or playing with Loom bands you can do without a break from it!!

So I guess if there are any suggestions feel free to make them!

I’m looking forwards to hopefully starting to be a bit more mobile soon, I think it’ll be worth trying to get in/out of a car, especially now I’m allowed to put a little weight through my left leg – which would make getting in/out a bit easier, and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get up off lower things a bit easier too, which will potentially mean being able to get in/out of the wheelchair I’ve been loaned, which would be great, as I miss being outside! Even if it’s sitting in the garden with something to do with my hands, it’s still a big treat, and I’m beginning to feel the lack of outside some (which I knew would happen and there was never going to be anything I could do about it really) So I also need to try and get out in the sun a bit more while it’s here, otherwise this winter will be bad for me, and I may end up having to resort to drastic measures to up my exposure to stuff I need.

It’s all a matter of time really…