It’s been a fair while since I posted anything, because to be honest, I’ve had little to say, and I didn’t want to just end up charting the progress that has happened with my leg…
I don’t like this time of year, for a lot of reasons, and this year is no exception. In fact, this year, I’m trying to wish it away, which is rare, even for me. It’s not just because I want this year to be over and done so I can concentrate on better things, although that’s certainly something I’d like to do. Moreso, it’s an unintended consequence of my leg.
I tend to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder – more commonly known as SAD, which means that I get depressed in winter. As someone who’s prone to low mood anyway, knowing this, I tend to prepare and be aware and have plenty of coping strategies. This year though, these have all gone through the window. I’ll normally make sure that I spend a fair bit of time outdoors and in the light from October onwards because this not only helps to lessen the effects, but helps my body stay in tune with the seasons. This year though, I’ve not been able to do that, or to spend a chunk of time outside everyday now that winter is here. I can’t stand still for long, and it’s been too cold to sit outside, nor have I really been able to get anywhere to sit. Add to that I spent the whole of the summer indoors – July in a hospital bed through into August, and then just indoors, and it’s all combined into one doozy of a hit.
So, in sum, I’m pretty shit company to be around at the moment. I’m the first person to admit, that when I’m struggling with this, I’ll go and hide, because there’s no reason to inflict myself on anyone else when I feel like this. Again, this year, I’ve not had that option, and I feel terrible about that. Which in turn makes me feel worse, and so the catch 22 continues…. Round and round and round…
There’s not even that much that can be done about it – the things I’d usually do to cope with it aren’t open to me this time, and so I hide as much as possible. Which brings it’s own foibles, and stresses and struggles. Either way, I cannot win.
I don’t really have any answers… or suggestions…. just wanted to update something… and try and explain why I am the Christmas Grinch amongst other things.