the dangers of extroverted processing.

I am an introvert by nature. (INFJ if you want to know my Myers Briggs type) However, what’s even rare than that is the fact that I’m an introvert with an extroverted processing mechanism – that is to say, that I work through things externally – whether it’s coming to a conclusion about one of the Big Things, or just something as simple as what to have for tea, sometimes. Whether or not it’s a learned coping strategy (because I tend to not be great at self talk) or it’s just my nature to be that is actually irrelevant. It’s a hard thing, because I don’t like talking to people. I don’t like feeling like I’m disturbing people or being a burden in anyway (which IS relevant because my thoughts and feelings are no more (and no less) important than anyone else’s.) so to get around that, quite often I’ll write things down. That way I can give it the consideration it needs, in the way I need to give it without having to worry.

Of course the thing that’s really under scrutiny here is the fact that a lot of the time, I’ll write on here. The reason I do is that if anyone else has an opinion, they are welcome to chip in, but I don’t expect it. But that in itself is fraught with danger. People tend to assume I’m writing about them, or that it’s a situation somehow involving them, or that I should talk to them about things. 99% of the time it’s none of those. A situation involving a single person or set of people I WILL GO AND TALK TO ABOUT IT, I don’t know how many times I have to keep saying and doing that.

I’m aware that this is sounding suspiciously like an angry rant, and it is, in a way. I slept really badly, due to my last post being brought up in a conversation while I was getting off to sleep. Consequently I didn’t sleep well, and every time I woke up I had the last comment made running round my head, which doesn’t help anything. I’m not in a good mood today because I need to have a pointless conversation now which will only piss me off more and because I slept badly I got up late and now can’t do half the stuff I wanted to today…

So I guess what I’m trying to say in sum is that I won’t be writing on here any more. Not as a sounding board to my own head anyway. I’ll find somewhere else (I’ve got other places I used to write) or just go back to pen and paper. It’s getting to the point where it’s more trouble than it’s worth- whether it’s doing ME any good be damned.

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