4am thoughts

So I’m going the another low patch at the moment, and it’s messing with my sleep pattern. Since midwinter my body has been trying to split my sleep into two with a gap between, which would actually be OK if I didn’t have a 9-5 job… as waking up at 2am for three to four hours doesn’t leave much room for a second bout!

This week and a half has been hard though. I have had to be the port in a storm for a friend on rough seas when I’ve been fighting the urge to just let myself drift away… as a result I’ve struggled a lot and this week have become progressively more sad, culminating in Friday where I just wanted to run, and cry, all through the day. I made it through work, got home, had something to eat and went to bed. At 7pm. I slept, albeit broken ly, for fourteen hours. Not for being tired, but in an effort to escape.

Today I took it easy, and practiced some self care, with a view to being up to some more decluttering tomorrow. I’m CHOOSING to not berate myself for wasting a day, or feeling crappy, instead, I’ll take tomorrow in my stride.

I’ve also been feeling isolated, which doesn’t help… I miss Jo, I’m not gonna lie. I miss nattering and drinking tea…the times it was ‘just us’…

My closest friends are, somewhat  ironically, geographically furthest away, which has been hard this week. I could have really used a hug at several points, but, I’ve been able to at least spend some time talking online, which has helped some.

It’s starting to get lighter now, at least, so hopefully the sadness will begin to lift with the days lengthening. Until then, it’s just a case of keeping going…


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