New Years Day – a time when most people set their resolutions for the year, and, more often than not, work really hard to achieve them and give up within three weeks of the start.
Not so for me. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, per se. Those I do make are never in January, and are always usually around the time of my birthday instead. However, this year, I’ve got a list of things I want to have achieved by the end of the year, so figured that today would be as good a day as any other to sort the list out.
New Years is always quite an introspective time for me anyway. I don’t do so well with Christmas generally, for several reasons, and New Years is usually the marker for the end of those two weeks. One reason being the lack of sunlight. I do tend to feel worse when I don’t get outdoors as much, and deep winter usually means I go out before light, and don’t leave work til it’s dark again. Another being that Christmas generally holds a fair few bad memories, which I try and avoid and ignore by just not thinking about it much, and not being very sociable. It’s no big secret that Christmas was always a time I generally spent on my own with good reason! Every few years, I try and break that, and be sociable, only to find that it doesn’t work.
So I usually end up spending that time thinking about the year gone, what went well, what didn’t and whether I made the best out of the situations I faced (invariably the answer is a mixed bag of yes and no) what I’ve learned and what I aim to change for the future.
2012 was indeed a mixed bag. Started the year off in hospital for 2 weeks on morphine for severe pain which they failed to identify any cause of, leading to 5 months off work, me being quite depressed at times and wondering what the hell was going on. However I came through that, and went back to work in May, aided by a LOT of pain medication, which over the next five months, I weaned myself off. Still have bad days, but I’m no longer pumped full of opiates, which is definitely a good thing!
Being off for so long meant I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things though, and was able to start questioning things, and looking to what I planned to do, and change my perspective on some things too.
I took up hobbies I’d previously let fall by the wayside – photography being one of them, which led to some interesting projects being undertaken. I also started back a little more seriously on the music side of things, and tried drawn art again.
Balanced with the not so good, was some awesome stuff too. I lost a couple of people along the way – which hurt more than I care to let on, but I also gained some awesome new friends, had closure on a couple of situations, and opened my eyes to the possibility of stuff by choosing to just go with things and take more of a chance.
This led to an awesome holiday in Septembertime. Plans were loosely made, and then changed, and didn’t work out as they had been changed to, and IT DIDN’T MATTER. We went to Whitby, got lost on the roads around York and didn’t get there til dark, and it didn’t matter. Illness struck, and we accommodated, improvised, and ended up having an awesome walk along the coastline, went to the cave bar, found some amazing rock formations and talked.
Somewhere in the second half of the year as well, I appear to have changed my attitude to myself. I’m pretty sure in part this is down to the fact I changed the people I surrounded myself with, but it’s something that’s been a long time coming, and thanks to prods in the right direction, I’m going into the new year with a new job, moving back to Sheffield, almost fully divorced, and able to close that chapter of my life, and for the first time in a very long time feeling excited about what life may bring.
So, 2013. What do I want to have done and when by?
January – Move house. This one is a no brainer for deadlines. Handed my notice in at work, and have until the end of the month to finish the move. It’s going to be busy as all heck, and any help offered will be accepted with no arguments (yep… unlike me, I know.)
– Roleplay – I decided in December to take a break from all games, and this is still in effect, with the exception of some one on one Cthulhu, which I’m hoping can begin in January if this fits with the GM’s plans too.
February – New Job begins. The start of three months of training. February will also be about finding a routine again. Not overloading myself, but not sitting back either.
March – Get back to counselling. Part of the decision to move, and not immediately find somewhere on my own was so that I would be able to afford to go back to counselling. Something else that came up in the latter part of last year was just how much I still seem to be ruled by things that have happened, and whilst I’ve come a long way, I still have some way to go.
April – come up with ways to get extra money to pay off my debts. Simple enough there
May – if not already, start looking at houses/flats. Training for the job will also be over now, so I’d be able to take a week off to move/decorate, and will hopefully have money saved to furnish/buy what’s needed.
I’m not looking much further than that at the moment, because setting a rigid timetable defeats the point.
However, I would also like to achieve the following this year – at least £1000 in savings, go visit my friends both in UK and abroad. Not waste any more time. I’ve wasted too much time in the past. Now is the time to live. And this is the year it begins, and I believe in it.