What we have here….is failure…. to communicate….

I’ve found it hard to write recently.

Mostly down to lack of time, as when I do feel able to write, I’m inevitably in no position to be able to do so. Then if I do sit down, there are no words. Something that happens a lot lately.

I’ve learnt and realised an awful lot of late. Too much to list. Some of the things I don’t know I know yet… but I know them… if that makes sense?

And I’ve been the busiest I’ve ever been between students and other commitments, work, and those I care for. I knew that it would be a struggle, but all of a sudden, mid June, and the end is in sight. I’d joked a while ago that I’d scheduled the weekend everything finishes as being the weekend I fall apart and break down. I’m not sure that isn’t too far from the truth to be honest. More and more I feel weighed down physically as well as in other ways by the weights I tend to bear. The world would probably be an exaggeration, but sometimes isn’t too far off.  The thing is that balances out the forces pushing outwards from the inside. Well, that’s usually the case. There’s an imbalance of late. Which is why I’m feeling it more. Maybe I will need to look at both sides to try and sort them out.  I’m still finding myself unable to express myself, and to speak about things, or write, or anything really when it comes to some things. I’m beginning to understand that a little more on that front I think… and it was always going to be an issue at some point – I found my sneaky little birth chart going through some papers yesterday and re-read it and for the first time realised just how… different I am in some ways to others. Most of the charts I see are generally spread over a few things. Mine isn’t. At some point I might post it up… but I think come mid-June, there will be changes made.

Recently started helping a very very good friend, who has helped me a lot of late. It’s nice to be able to reciprocate in some small way as I like being able to show I care by being able to help, not just so I retain a modicum of usefulness and therefore a reason to be kept around…so this is good.  Reminded me I have stuff I need to sort too. And of course we have some plans made,  short, medium and longer term..and it’s kinda nice to have a partner in crime and things to look forwards to.

First thing I need to do though, ultimately is get through the door that’s appeared and has been making itself more and more known of late. Just let me get to mid June first… or at least a point where I get enough time to actually spend looking at it….and then deal with the inability to talk…. and then… well… there’s a whole list. But one thing at a time eh?

 

Advertisements

Spiritual musings.

Finally finished the post I’d started last week…. so on to the next one.

I’m off work today, not feeling well. So using the time, in addition to resting up some, to thinking about some recent events…

When it comes to all things spiritual, I’m by no means conventional – I don’t follow a particular line of thought or practice, and I don’t particularly align myself with one particular thing. I follow my intuition, which is my biggest guide in this. As a result there are ideas in there from many sources. Some more than others, and if I had to actually use a label, then it would probably be along the lines of pagan, with a celtic/norse leaning. HOWEVER: that is certainly not the be all and end all- add in there some native american, as well as eastern ideas, and you’d be getting a little closer. Also, don’t forget the British and European ideas as well… I’m sure that you see where I’m going with this….

 

The last few weeks I’ve been having a think about all of this, now that I’m in a position to consider things a little more than I perhaps have previously. Coming back to ideas I had been considering some time ago, which had gone to the wayside for various reasons – mostly not being in the headspace- and watching serendipity do it’s wonderful thing; for example, thinking to myself “it might be a good time to think about sorting out getting the runes I was thinking about making done – finish collecting the stones and then crafting them” before being given a set of clay runes by my brother a few days later… as well as looking at natural/complimentary therapies – the ideas behind them as well as the practice of.  These are something I tend to approach quite scientifically. I certainly don’t for a second believe that we’ve learnt all there is to know scientifically, and there are things that happen out there, which work but we can’t explain why – acupuncture, t’ai chi are just two examples.

(Excuse me if this jumps about a little as I go by the way – I am just writing it as it comes… and this is as much for my benefit as anyone elses… !)

I’ve always had a bit of an affinity to a few different things – mostly looking at natural ways of healing and improving things – massage, herbs, ‘so called- superfoods’ etc as well as looking into other things. Massage is something I’ve just been able to do instinctively, and there are a fair few people out there who’ve been on the receiving end of one of mine to say that I certainly know what I’m doing, even without any formal training (done a fair bit of reading though!) I’ve always used my intuition to guide me in that – leading me to troublesome spots, which I fully admit is enhanced by a working knowledge of the body and muscles. I’ve also passed on a bit of what I know to people I trust as the one downside to it is that you really can’t actually do it to yourself!

On Saturday night I was giving a good friend of mine a shoulder massage and thinking about what and how I do it, and had paused to think about where I was going to go next when I heard an ‘ooh’ of surprise. I asked if they were OK and got the yes, fine, and I went back to what I was doing. It was only a little while afterwards that I realised that at that time, I wasn’t actually touching them  with my hands. I was thinking about where to go next, and i guess the easiest way I could explain it is that I was feeling it with my mind before I carried on….  I spoke about this with my friend the next night, after thinking about it for a fair while and coming to a conclusion as to what might have happened, and started out by asking if he remembered that particular point and why the surprise, before saying what had happened, and my thoughts on it. After discussion we concluded that I’d managed to transfer energy, in the most basic terms – much like those who practice Reiki, Qi Gong, or other forms of Energy Healing would. We also concluded that it’s probably not the first time it’s happened, but in the past I’d have been in contact whilst doing it. So what’s different now, and why has this happened? I have no idea, but I’m looking forwards to finding out a little more and exploring what this means, and seeing if I can actually do this consciously. So some learning and practice required.

Another tentative step forwards in the journey of life. Sometimes in a direction you never expected to go!